My first apology to my daughters

You’re 4 and 3. I can now turn my back, leave the room, use the restroom, or take a shower, and feel pretty confident that nothing bad will happen. Truth be told I know this time won’t last forever. I still make as many excuses as possible to play rather than work. But, at least now as long as i’m within earshot, or maintain a visual outside, I can actually do something else.

Apologizing doesn’t always admit guilt,

It just affirms that you value relationships

and time

When that something is not cleaning, laundry, food prep, or planning our next adventure. It’s sitting and writing on this laptop. When I hear you two laughing, arguing, playing, or the eerie stillness I always second guess sitting in front of this laptop. But, I think there are worse sins of a father out there.

I don’t want to do this. Especially when you two are doing all that fun stuff.

But, it’s the only way I know how to do what i’m trying to do for us.

Plus, I think you two enjoy being left to your own devices. Not technological ones but toys, books, dolls, make believe, and of course each other.

Good work if you can get it

Bob Dylan’s Don’t Think Twice It’s All Right came on Pandora while we were all sitting at the table. I was writing and researching about predatory lending. You two were painting. It made me stop, look up, and think about what your mother and I have been able to accomplish in terms of us staying at home to raise you two until you have to attend school. It was an emotional moment.

Resonated then, now, and I hope in the future.

I thought about

It’s alright

This time has been precious

I’m sure I coulda done better

But I wouldn’t change a thing



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