I love you
I know you don’t know what any of that means. Honestly, i’m not sure I do either. But i’m your dad and I promise to love you.
Let me first say,
You’ll get everything I got, to give you everything I can for the next 18 years……
The rest will probably be up to you. I hope you go and do wonderful things with your life but once you leave the nest, it’s your life and I’ll try not to intrude but always be there to support you in any reasonable way.
You’ll probably want more at times during these first 18 years
I just hope you don’t need anything. There is a difference.
I’m not perfect.
No one is. I know I’ll make mistakes. Not maliciously but mistakes are apart of life.
But, I promise to hold your hand and help guide you through this world that your mother and I have brought you into.
Your mom will be back soon. She is getting stitched up. She’s been through a lot.
Your mom already loves you more than you or I can possible imagine. It’s this gestation thing that I can not fathom, and would not want to go through. People talk a lot about it out here.
It’s been a really exhausting 9+ months, especially these last 2 weeks, not to mention the last 35 hours or so of labor, birth, and you getting all cleaned up for your mother and I.
You were suppose to be here two weeks ago but your mom, as she always will, tried anything and everything to do anything and everything to make this as easy and routine as possible for you.
Much to our shock after she and I came here two weeks ago we find out that we would not be parents that day because you and she had flipped your head down and you were no longer transverse.
One final ultrasound after your mom got all Iv’d up. Which with her skinny veins is always like jabbing needles into a voodoo doll and up until the last 30 hours seemed to be the most painful thing in the world. It wasn’t. It is and forever will be childbirth.
Now what am I suppose to do?
I guess I’ll just sit her and hold you close to me until your mom gets back. I’m not sure when that will be.
Technically it was an emergency
Although once it became clear to the nurses that the stress you were under had been going on for to long and they called the doctor again, they took you and your mom away to prep for what going to happen next. I was sent to the dad changing room to put on my Breaking Bad suit, every moment felt like an eternity until the nurses came to get me.
Upon entering the operating room I remember thinking two things:
Holy crap it’s cold.
And it reminded me of a quick lube place with all the retractable hoses and whatnot hanging from the ceiling.
I held your moms hand and tried to reassure her that everything was fine while a lot of violent things were happening on the other side of the curtain.
I’ve never felt so helpless in my life
I remember her eyes
I remember whispering to her that everything was going fine
Then I saw you. But didn’t hear you. The nurses moved quickly to the warming tray and then I heard you.
Your mom and I cried tears of joy
Then they brought you to her and I witness you two acknowledge each other for the first time. A bond that I hope is unbreakable.
From there you and me said bye to mom, and a nurse lead us back to the warming table. From there the Nursery. After cleaning you all up and some awkwardness I just picked you up and told you the above.
Next thing I new….
I looked down at you and noticed you were sleeping. We stayed like that for awhile and I’ve never felt such love for anything or anyone my entire life. Until your sister was born.
There was you
Becoming a parent changed me. It changed everything about me. And continues to lead me in new directions.
Thanks for reading.